everyday
i read your words
to remember, to validate
your hate
and your pain.

validate for myself
a reason why i cannot speak.
i have no words.

laid on the floor
and stayed there
paralyzed.

my heartbeat seems stronger
like it's trying to escape,
come out from my chest.

my stomach, more acidic
my lungs have less capacity
my blood, hotter
my skin shivers
and my fingers tremble
my muscles spasm
my bones feel heavy
my eyes
refuse to shut
i am choking.

my body cannot tolerate the pain
felt deep within

it's hitting all my nerves
like you once said.

you showed me a dream
and i threw it away.

slowly,
everyday.