He wants to move on. He has obviously had enough. I do not blame him, he is sticking close to his friends because they were there for him in his time of need. They were the ones that were on his side, the ones that blamed someone other than him for what had happened.

I feel disabled. I wish I could tell him, talk with him. I miss him so much. I wish I could go up to him every time I see him. His rage has driven me away, I am running because I am fearful. I am looking for a day when we will be able to speak, normally. Maybe we both need a time out. This is our time out. I need time to figure out what exactly I did, why I did it, who I am because of it.

So what happened?

I am not a liar. I am a person ridden with secrets. Secrets that are grounded in despicable actions and choices. I wish I could tell all of them to someone. I wish my soulmate was with me.

I wish you had met me when I was younger. When I was innocent and incapable of making my own decisions. It is great that I am able to make decisions about what to wear, what to eat, what classes to take, what career path to pursue. I could not and cannot make other decisions, decisions which are important.

I was put in a situation in which I could not help or change the circumstances.